Marvin Conner Weblog

(Janis Joplin's "Mercedes Benz" updated for the twenty-first century) Lord won't you buy me a great big SUV. My friends all drive'em and look down on me. I wanna ride up high, "Closer to Thee". Lord won't you buy me a great big SUV. Lord, won't you buy me an HDTV. Ain't got no resolution on this little screen, And I'm missing clues on CSI: Miami. Lord, won't you buy me an HDTV. Lord, won't you buy me a cellular phone. With no one in my ear, Lord, I feel so alone. I you will, Lord, from you I never shall roam. Lord, won't you buy me a cellular phone. Lord, won't you buy me a shiny new gun. It's my right by you and the Constitution, To have and hold a piece of American freedom. Lord, won't you buy me a shiny new gun.

A single, precise iron-bar blow, To the jaw, just below the ear. To seize the maw, and dam the spew. And maybe, Our speaker will taste The spite-incite-ful significance.

"Too stupid to live" are words I oft did hear Whilst yet a babe at Mother's knee. But contrary to the things you may hear, Mama weren't refer'n to me. That proverbial phrase she did employ As an eloquently concise critique Of the minds of those whose wild exploits Revealed ignorance beyond belief. And those she thus described are well-known, But I'll not be a name-namer. For, if I did, this would be much less a poem And much more of a legal disclaimer. For the times have changed since our phrase was coined, And now we must be correct politically. So let us say "negatively brilliant to the point Of biological non-viability". (Fox-like minds will deem career-Worthy, Those last two cleverly clever lines. But of such humor we've more than we're deserving, And even mere babes are heard to opine: "That Git'er man is gettin' on my nerbses.")